A Dog's Repurpose

WELL I GUESS IT'S TIME FOR ME TO WRITE UP MY THOUGHTS ON THIS STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID MOVIE!1 :-))))))))))))))))))))

WELL FOR ONE THING HE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE A FIRST LIFE HARDLY :-))))))))))

UGHHH AND OK SO IN THE FIRST LIFE HE'S SUPPOSED TO LEARN HOW TO OPEN THE GATE FROM HIS MOM SO THAT IN HIS SECOND LIFE HE CAN OPEN THE GATE TO THE PLAY YARD FROM THE BREEDER (it's not a puppy mill, credits) AND ALSO IN THE SECOND LIFE HE NEVER PLAYED SAVE ETHAN???????????????????????????????????????????  he literally came out of the womb asking "what is the purpose of life uwu" and then he was like "maybe i should just have fun oh what an amazing suggestion bailey oh yes i'm sooo smaarrt"

THEY SPENT MORE TIME ON THE FAKE MADE-UP LIFE THAT THEY MADE UP THAN ON HIS POLICE-DOG LIFE??? WHICH WAS PRETTY LONG IN THE BOOK. THEY ALSO COMPLETELY ERASED THE FIRST LIFE (more on that later :-)))). by the way.

ok ok ok ok ok ok. So the whole thing was VERY amatonormative. In EVERY SINGLE LIFE (except the second, but it doesn't really count cuz ethan's like 10-18 in that) he notices that "they seem sad uwu what could be wrong is it.... THAT THEY ARE ALONE IN THE BED I BET THAT'S IT" and GUESS WHAT THAT'S FLIPPING IT. everybody's sad because they don't have a significant other. (also they're all straight but honestly I didn't have any hopes)
So after the first line he hardly even ... mentioned his philosophicality?  Like... he didn't even get depressed when he was born again in his fourth fifth life bc he thought being a police dog was his purpose. hiiehnao'irnouihnotiramjgkn whaytttttttttttttttttttttttt

sigh

So they cut his police dog life in two because I guess they didn't want to kill any humans? like nOOO WE CANNOT KILL ANY PEOPLE!!!! BLASPHEMOUS OF YOU TO EVEN SUGGEST THAT WE WILL KILL The dog instead ok compromise. We can kill the dog one more time. OK BUT SO CARLOS DOESN'T EVEN DIE IN THE BOOK? HE JUST GETS HURT AND CAN'T BE A POLICE OFFICER ANYMORE??? BUT NO WE HAVE TO SHOOT THE DOG INSTEAD AND HAVE HER DIE BECAUSE REASONS. And then Maya's not even a police officer???? ughhhhghghg
Ellie was supposed to go back to the police station and be sad for a while before she gets to go home to train with Maya (who has a big family to begin with, AHEM.) and then nnn later they go on a rescue mission and Ellie gets sad bc they keep finding dead people so the other guy has to hide every once in a while and then there's one house that's so messed up they're gonna walk past but Ellie insISTS they check it out so she goes and she SAVES SOMEONE but she burns her nose on like acid or some kind of toxic chemical on her way in and then she's retired bc she can't Find Wally anymore (cuz her nose is all messed up) but she goes on School Visits!!!
And then on one school visit the kids play hide and seek during recess or whatever and one of them hides like in the sewer or something anyway then there's a storm and Ellie has to Find and Show one more time while they wait for the other police to come and she DOES and it's a miracle and she SAVES THE KID and maybe that was her purpose? and then she lives the rest of her life. ughhhghhgh

and in the last life his name was WAFFLES?????????? it's BEAR. BEAR NOT FLIPPING WAFFLES. oi.

and Ethan and Bailey never went on the adventure in the woods where they got lost and stuff so y'know Bailey/Waffles can just magically end up in the town w the farm bc that's where the dude brought him instead of him finding the forest where he and Ethan got lost and. There's. no point to him being reincarnated if he doesn't learn anything that's the whole point of the book?????????

ALSO THERE WAS NO FLIP. YEAH. I'M PRETTY MESSED UP TOO. IT WAS JUST A FLAT FOOTBALL. I'M DYING THEY DIDN'T MAKE A FLIP JUST. A FLAT FOOTBALL. also Bailey and Grandpa never did chores but i don't really care about that cuz it was a minor detail. although one of the saddest things when he goes to the barn and remembers doing Chores. ohgoieh
ALSO THE DONKEY DIDN'T DIE?????????????????????????????

in the book the donkey died and that's how bailey/waffles found the farm bc he found the vet and it smelled like the donkey and he followed that home.

also.
hahahahahahahaha
hahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahhahhahhahahhaha
hehehahehhaehwhaheheihgaukbsrauxmcgbosrdutbhgrxg,,l43h,irh,h/gu,axr4g

ETHAN DIDN'T DIE.
ETHAN DIDN'T FLIPPING DIE.
ETHAN DIDN'T DIE
DIHAOIG.,N HOW DO YOU
NOT EVEN
HOWIHG
THAT'S THE HTGOEIGOEGOA.GRNHGH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Oh yeah also there was, without ANY WARNING AT ALL a close-up shot of the dog getting a freaking shot. kaoiegOAw,oi,4keg.ar,nou n. OHHHHHH and bc of the nonexistant first life, there was never a thing about being a front seat dog?
also Ethan called him "Boss dog" instead of "doodle dog" and then when he was dying he called him both, including doodle dog for the first time?????? and??? it was so stupid??????????
(also the cat ~~)

and that's why I want to smash the A Dog's Purpose DVD. :-)))))))))))))

Have a gif to cheer up.

Oh woops sorry that was depressing haha sorry. (do you remember improv??? when he used a stick? in Days? ahhhhhhhggggggggggggga)

"and that's why they cut out the first life cuz they couldn't spin it so he could help her find love." ~ about this movie and the SMOTHERING amatonormativity.

Also we talked about Carlos: "wait Carlos didn't need a love interest right?"
"No he was sad because he lost his wife-"
(at the same time) "Oh right right. ... Or girlfriend we don't know."
"Well, yeah"
"Maybe she was his daughter?"
"but he'd have had to lose his wife or girlfriend or whatever too then."
"mm"
"Cuz they'd've had to stay together long enough for the baby to be born"
"Yeah."

Addendum: she couldn't be his sister or whatever, cuz he's got a full-size bed and not that big of a house, so yeah.